November Rain
by theforbiddenbond
Summary: He was the world that never stopped, always revolving but never slowing down in the slightest. He was the anchor that kept him planted firmly on the ground. Castiel was the love of Dean's life. And he was the one who got away. (song fic)


He was the world that never stopped, always revolving but never slowing down in the slightest. He was the anchor that kept him planted firmly on the ground. Castiel was the love of Dean's life. And he was the one who got away.

When he fell, he didn't know the first thing about becoming a human, so he simply followed Dean around, copying almost everything he did. And even though Dean had found it annoying as hell at first, he began to grow accustomed to having a rather handsome shadow. Soon, it turned into a routine. Sam just sat on the couch, watching the two interact, smiling to himself and thanking whoever was up in heaven that Dean had finally found someone who didn't make him hide who he really was. Dean loved Cas, rather, he was in love with Cas, and that, was his downfall.

Now Dean sat on the bus, a cold November night, staring out the window. It would be just his luck that the impala would break down an hour before he had somewhere to be. There were a few others on the bus, a young boy and a girl who looked like they were dating, a woman who was reading a book, and one person in particular who had caught his eye, an older man carrying a cane who was boarding the bus and staring at him as he made his way over to the area he was sitting in. Dean realized he was sitting in the handicapped part of the bus as he gave the man a weak smile before standing up. A hand made its way onto his shoulder, slightly pushing him back into his seat.

"Please , don't get up on my account." The man said, gesturing towards the empty seat next to him. "May I?"

Before he could answer, the man had taken it upon himself to sit down next to Dean. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while so Dean took out the picture he had been keeping in his pocket for the night.

"You love him don't you?" The older man said, smiling up at Dean who was a little confused.

"I-umm…how did you?" He stumbled out.

The man chuckled. "I can tell by the way you're lookin' at that dingy picture you got there. So, did ya guys break up or something?"

Dean gave him a sad look and frowned, glancing out the window.

"Oh," He realized what that had meant. "I'm sorry son, I-I had no idea."

"It's alright." Dean said, continuing to stare out the window. He didn't want anyone's pity. He dealt with this for years, he could deal with it again, alone. Not even Sam could help him fill the empty void that surrounded his heart. It didn't matter though, he was getting by and that was all that mattered.

"I know it's hard to keep an open heart." The man stated as if he knew what Dean had been thinking. He turned to face him, even if he was still looking out the window. "But if you could heal that broken heart of yours," He stopped and smiled, just as Dean turned his face to look at him, a sad smile sitting at the bottom of his face. "Wouldn't time be out to charm you?"

The bus came to a halt and Dean looked up and noticed it was his time to get off.

"I have to go." He told the man.

As he walked down the steps of bus, he turned back to his newfound friend, saying "Thank you."

He could hear the man's faint voice as he stepped onto the wet concrete. "Everybody needs some time on their own, son."

He made his way down the street, passing all the dark shops and stores that had been shut down for the night, the rain coming down hard, just like his tears.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. The yelling and screaming, the arguing, the kissing, the gunshot.

"I love you Cas."

"It's a little late for that Dean."

"Well I'm sorry I'm such a screw up okay? I'm sorry I failed you over, and over, and over again Cas. I'm sorry!"

"Dean-"

"No! Just…just focus on what we're doing here and forget it."

He remembered the expression that fell across Cas's face, the hurt and the sadness were so visible and so bright, it could've powered the entire city that night. But the next thing he knew, he was holding the love of his life in his arms, his eyes cold and restrained, but Dean saw right past that. He saw the love for him that had always been there, he had just been too busy bottling up the same feelings to notice. Dean blamed himself for what happened, he said he had distracted Cas from the job with the argument they had before the shots were fired. He blamed himself. And if the tears rolling down his face right now were any indication, he was never going to be forgiven.

He finally got to entrance of the cemetery, letting out a deep breath before stepping through the open gate and walking down the same path he had walked down the same night for the last three years. When he got to Cas's tombstone, he smiled, sitting crisscrossed across from the stone. He pulled out a candle and box of matches, gazing at the tombstone that read "Castiel Winchester."

"I-umm-I brought you one of those fruity candles you liked so much." He nervously chuckled. "They almost stunk up the whole house, but you loved it. And I-" He sighed. "I loved watching you smile because of it."

Dean tried to light the candle but the rain kept putting out the flame, leaving him with the faint smell of citrus and a handful of burnt matches. "Can't even hold a candle in this damn rain." He muttered into the wind.

"If only you were here Cas. You'd have another million questions about the rain. I miss that." He looked down at his hands, frowning. "I miss you. I hope you're up there kicking Metatron's ass."

Looking up at the tombstone, he finished his speech. "I love you, Castiel. God, do I love you. I've been through this such a long, long time, just trying to kill the pain. I'm sorry I couldn't save you that night. I'm sorry I was such a jerk for letting the last good thing in my life walk away broken hearted. I lost you forever. I was supposed to protect you. Just know I will never stop loving you, ever."

After minutes of wiping the tears off of his cheeks, he got up. He made the stupid decision to walk home instead of catching the bus. He needed time to be alone, to think about how he was going to move on. Halfway through his lengthy journey home, the rain hadn't stopped but calmed down, leaving him to think harder as he wandered aimlessly through the town. When he got back home, he hugged Sam, maybe harder than he had hugged anyone. He let Sam in, told him everything he was feeling. After all, everyone needs somebody.

Dean sat on the couch, running his thumb up and down the picture of him and Cas, the memories of their good times flooding through his head.

"Hey look," Sam called from the window.

Dean glanced over at his brother and grinned. He put the picture down on the couch as he stood up, roaming over to stand next to his brother. Maybe he could get over his heartache, without moving on.

"The rain finally stopped." Dean beamed.

It was that moment that Dean understood he wasn't going to feel like this forever, the void he was holding would eventually close up. At this, he smiled. "Nothing lasts forever." He whispered to himself. "Even cold, November rain."

* * *

**I wrote this after listening to ****_November Rain by Guns N' Roses_**** and the song inspired me. Please review. :)**


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